14-18 Novalogue

14-18 Novalogue (Male)

Okay, cell phone, me and you need to talk. We’ve been through a lot together. The last 6 months here have been …marginal. I’ve given your number to a few people, and so far, no one calls you but The Boys back home. This sucks for both of us. I mean, we came to Ottawa to find someone. To end The Quest. Twenty-four years old, and I still hadn’t had a serious girlfriend. Or any sort of girlfriend. I almost had you disconnected. (pause) Don’t look at me like that; I didn’t go through with it. And do you know why? Because the day we stopped looking … was the day we met Her. I went twenty minutes out of my way, in minus-thirty-degree weather, to walk Her home, breaking the ice in front of Her with my CSA approved boots so She wouldn’t slip and fall. She’s wonderful. (He beams.) I gave Her your number, and She said She’d call. So … cell phone, if ever you were going to ring, if ever you were going to make that special connection…let it be now. You’re fully charged. We’re sitting in the bathtub where you get the best reception. So…ring (It doesn’t ring.) C’mon. Please? (nothing) She’s really special. She’s got these beautiful eyes, and really great hair, and … I’m prattling, but … the way She – The phone rings Hello? (pause) Kathy! Hi! (pause) No, I’m not busy, just … waiting… for you. (pause) Oh man, that sounds lame, doesn’t it? I didn’t …uh…(pause) Really? Well, I think you’re sweet too


14-18 Novalogue (Female)

All right..give me a break. I really think I’m going insane. Do you want to know why I’m going insane? Well, I’ll tell you anyway. It’s all because of this. Can you read it? It says, “Write a play and see it produced by two professionals in New York City in America’s Annual Young Playwrights Festival”. Pretty neat. My English teacher gave it to me just before school was out for the summer. This thing has been like a curse. It’s killing me. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I have to do this or anything. It’s just become like a quest. I always thought…hey, I could write a play. I mean…listen. I have been to so many bad plays in my life. Stupid, idiotic plays…plays that make you say, My gosh, what kind of madman wrote this?” And do you know why there are so many bad plays? BECAUSE THEY ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO WRITE!! I have been sitting in this stupid room all month. It’s not that I don’t have anything to say. That’s just it. I have too much to say. I’m too incredibly smart. Write a play…write a play. Have you ever gone to a play and sat through about the first ten minutes, maybe even up to intermission, without have any idea what was going on? People are sitting around you laughing, or crying their brains out, and you’re just sitting there thinking, “Gosh, my tongue hurts”. What’s worse is when you have to go to a play, one you really like, and they give it this completely moronic ending. I hate them. I have decided that I hate plays more than anything in the world. That’s it. I give up. No more plays for me.